Hamlet: Prince of Darkness—Act 1

ACT 1

(A churchyard in Elsinore; in it, a monument.

Inside, Hamlet's body lay on a bier. Enter Ophelia

wearing a lei of dead flowers.)

OPHELIA

Behold, my Lord Hamlet sleeps. O, sweet Prince,

sweet, mad Prince, an 'twere my place to give

succour to thy troubled brow... Ay, but night hath

cleansed from thee thy disturbed countenance and

breath.

(Ophelia begins dancing and singing

around the bier, tossing dead flowers

on Hamlet's body.)

OPHELIA

(continuing; singing to the tune of The Smurfs

theme song)

Fa la, la la la la,

La la la la la la,

Fa la, la la la la,

La la la la la la.

My Hamlet's body is still and cold,

Yet his wan complexion is not old.

I shower him dead with flowers

In the small black desp'rate hours,

And with a loving kiss, so bold,

Rejuvenate his Princely powers.

(Ophelia kisses Hamlet and bites him on

the neck. After a moment, she starts

dancing and singing again.)

OPHELIA

(continuing; singing)

Fa la, la la la la

La la la la la la

(Hamlet stirs.)

OPHELIA

(continuing)

Look where he wakes. Good morrow, m' Lord.

HAMLET

What's this! Am I dead?

OPHELIA

No, m' Lord. I hath saved thee.

HAMLET

Saved me? What brand of sorcery is this! O, thou,

most foolish wench! Thou hast damned me!

OPHELIA

Say not such things m' Lord. I hath saved thee.

HAMLET

Saved me? Who, pray tell, hath saved thee?

OPHELIA

M' Lord, the most noble of counts, Count Dracula of

Transylvania, hath saved me from the mildewed

silence of the grave, and thus saving me, hath saved

thee.

HAMLET

Dracula? Who is this Count Dracula?

OPHELIA

He who saved me m' Lord; a most puissant, venerable,

and goodly count.

HAMLET

How saved he thee?

OPHELIA

As I saved thee, m' Lord.

HAMLET

Speak, wench!

OPHELIA

He paid visitations to me in my chambers by night

whilst I was fast asleep.

HAMLET

Whore!

OPHELIA

Not so, m' Lord. I knew not what he did as I was far

off in distant lands and realms in the dreams of my

slumber.

HAMLET

The bawd!

OPHELIA

M' Lord, I say he saved me, whence came he to my

chamber, he nipped me two times on the throat and

once again after unearthing my cold copse from the

mouldy soil of the grave, thus returning the breath

to my body and saving my flesh from becoming the

food of worms.

HAMLET

How came thee to this place where of thou didst

return my life to me?

OPHELIA

As I was, m' Lord; I paid visitations to thy chamber

whilst thou slept and took of thee some blood

whereof I fortified myself and gave eternal Life to

thee upon this, thy third letting of blood.

HAMLET

To what end hast thou done this to me?

OPHELIA

That we may be together at last, m' Lord.

HAMLET

O, speak not of such wickedness! O, thou cadaverous

strumpet! Thou hast curs'd my damned soul to suffer

the ravenous flames of Hades for time eternal!

OPHELIA

Speak not so, m' Lord. I love thee.

HAMLET

Love! What knowest thou concerning love? O,

mildewed, putrid, contemptible wench! What words

are these that should flounder upon thy wretched

lips. Love! Thou knowest naught of the word! Be

gone!

(Ophelia falls to her knees and embraces Hamlet.)

OPHELIA

M' Lord?

HAMLET

O, foul child! O, abhorrent woman! How dost thy

spirit fare in thy Maker's Kingdom that such

misfortune of fate hath made thee wicked?

OPHELIA

Wicked? No - Not so, m' Lord. I am as fair as the

driven snow.

HAMLET

Ay! Snow soiled with filthy excrement!

OPHELIA

Why dost thou speak such things to me? Am I not

still the fair Ophelia that once you knew?

HAMLET

Ay, and a cantankerous trollop at that!

(Ophelia falls to Hamlet's feet and weeps.)

HAMLET

(continuing)

Rise, strumpet! Or feel the wrath of my boot!

(Hamlet hauls Ophelia to her feet by her shoulders.)

HAMLET

(continuing)

Now, I implore...nay, demand ye, tell me what

wretch hath claimed my father's throne. Who hath

stolen my birthright?

OPHELIA

Fortinbras of Norway, M' Lord.

HAMLET

And what designs does this Count you speak of have

on my father's kingdom?

OPHELIA

Only such reward as thou deems fit to bestow.

HAMLET

Liar! There must be more to it than that. Speak,

wench, or I shall pluck the tongue from thy lovely

mouth so that thou wilt never lie again!

OPHELIA

The Count only wishes the best for thee and thy

kingdom.

HAMLET

My patience wears thin, woman.

OPHELIA

Count Dracula only wishes to bestow Denmark with the

gift of eternal life with thee as its eternal king.

HAMLET

Ah, the plot thickens. There's the rub. A puppet

king for Denmark, and witless cadavers as subjects.

Well, I shall test the mettle of this Dracula. My

soul be spirited away to Hades if I should allow

myself to be a toy. Where is this Count now?

OPHELIA

At his castle in Transylvania awaiting the tidings

of Fortinbras' dethroning.

HAMLET

Fair enough. In due time he will receive such

tidings as he expects. Come. I must collect my

forces. Should Fortinbras fail to relinquish my

kingdom willingly, I will wage bitter war against

him.

(Hamlet strides to the door and throws it wide open. He

screams when dawn spills into the mausoleum and bathes

him in sunlight. He slams the door shut with the whole of his body.)

HAMLET

(continuing)

O, dread! What cruelty is this? Has my beloved

Sol also forsaken me?

OPHELIA

We must venture out of doors only at night, M' Lord.

The sun is a murderer to us.

HAMLET

O, tainted blessings! I am damned! To never see

the sun's benevolent light again; never feel its

warmth caress my cheek. I am wretched. Ophelia,

here will we rest and at dusk arise. I will be king

by the morrow, and then will I deal most fiercely

with Count Dracula.

(Curtain.)

End of Act 1

[Note: I started writing this play sometime back in the 90's but only finished Act 1. I wrote this around the same time I wrote The Necromancer and had been reading a lot of Shakespeare and 17th century literature to get a better sense of how to procede with dialogue. This was more of an experiment than anything, though I have thought of finishing it from time to time. I doubt I ever will, though.]

Copyright © 2010 by Kevin Dunn
kbdunn@gmail.com
Last revised January 12, 2010